When most people bring home a dog—especially their first one—they imagine a furry friend who naturally obeys, never chews the sofa, and sits on command with tail-wagging joy. The reality is often very different: socks disappear, recall commands are ignored, and your lovely pup seems more interested in chasing birds than listening to you.
It’s easy to blame the dog. “He’s stubborn.” “She just doesn’t get it.” But the truth is this: training is about the owner, not the dog. Your dog isn’t the problem—they’re responding to the environment you provide. Most behavioural challenges stem from misunderstandings in communication, lack of consistency, or a weak bond between dog and owner.
In this post, we’ll explore the core principles of effective training and how the focus must be on you—the human—becoming the kind of leader your dog naturally wants to follow.
Learning to bond with your dog
Before any training begins, you need to develop a genuine bond with your dog. Think of it as building a relationship—not unlike any human connection—based on trust, time, and shared experiences.
Dogs are social animals by nature. They look for a leader, a companion, someone to rely on. If your dog sees you only as the person who fills the food bowl and shouts commands, they’re not going to feel particularly motivated to listen.
Spend time just being with your dog; walks, playtime, quiet sitting, grooming, or even gentle talking. Let your dog learn your voice, your scent, and your mannerisms. Be patient. A strong bond is the foundation of all effective training.
👉 Tip: Use mealtimes and walks as training opportunities. Engagement builds naturally during these essential routines.
For further advice on bonding with your dog, see Dogs Trust puppy socialisation tips.
Establishing trust
Training is impossible without trust. If your dog doesn’t trust you, they may fear you, ignore you, or become anxious and reactive. Building trust means being a consistent, safe presence. Don’t resort to yelling, hitting, or using tools that cause pain or fear. Positive reinforcement, paired with calm, confident leadership, helps your dog see you as predictable and fair.
If you adopt a rescue dog or one that’s had trauma, this step is especially crucial. It may take weeks or even months for a nervous or abused dog to feel safe. During this time, progress may feel slow, but every moment of kindness is a step toward trust.
👉 Tip: Allow your dog to approach you on their terms, especially early on. Let them come to you, and reward them when they do.
For guidance on building trust with rescue dogs, read RSPCA advice on adopting and training rescue dogs.
Building the hierarchy
Hierarchy isn’t about dominance or force—it’s about leadership. Your dog looks to you for cues on how to behave, what to do in uncertain situations, and whether they should be excited, calm, or alert.
Dogs thrive when they know where they fit in the “pack.” When you take on the role of a calm, confident leader, your dog doesn’t feel the need to take control or act out. But if you’re inconsistent, nervous, or give mixed signals, your dog might become anxious—or try to take charge themselves. This doesn’t mean being harsh or controlling. Leadership is shown through clarity, consistency, and calm direction. Your dog will feel safer, more relaxed, and more responsive when they know you’re in charge.
👉 Tip: Control important resources like food, toys, and walk time. Ask for a simple behaviour (like “sit”) before giving them. This reinforces respectful interaction.
For more on positive leadership, see the Association of Pet Dog Trainers UK (APDT).
Dogs want to please their owner
Here’s some great news: dogs are hardwired to please us. For thousands of years, we’ve bred dogs to work alongside humans, pay attention to us, and look to us for guidance. They naturally want approval.
Your job is to make sure they understand how to please you. If you reward them for the right behaviours, they’ll repeat them. If you ignore good behaviour and only respond when they misbehave, they’ll get confused or act out for attention.
Many behaviour problems stem from unclear expectations. If your dog isn’t responding the way you hoped, ask yourself: Have I clearly communicated what I want? Have I rewarded them for doing it?
👉 Tip: Celebrate small wins. Even a hesitant sit or brief eye contact deserves praise early on.
For advice on reward-based training, check Blue Cross dog training advice.
Rewards are necessary
Training without rewards is like working without a paycheck. Rewards, treats, toys, affection, or play, are how we tell dogs: “Yes, that’s it! Do that again!” There’s a misconception that using treats is “bribing” your dog. It’s not. It’s teaching. Once your dog understands the behaviour, you can fade the treats over time and reinforce with praise or play. But early on, frequent rewards are crucial.
The trick is timing. Reward your dog immediately after the behaviour, not five seconds later. This helps them connect the action with the outcome.
👉 Tip: Use high-value treats for learning new commands, and save ordinary kibble for easier or well-known tasks. The PDSA guide to positive training has useful examples of reward systems.
Learning the right commands that work for your dog
Every dog is different. What works for a Labrador might not work for a Shih Tzu. Some dogs are food motivated, some prefer toys. Some pick up verbal commands quickly; others respond better to hand signals.
As an owner, it’s your job to observe and adapt. Watch how your dog reacts. Are they confused? Disinterested? Excited? Choose simple, distinct words for commands - “sit,” “down,” “stay,” “come” - and use them consistently.
Avoid repeating commands over and over. If you say “sit” ten times before they do it, they learn they don’t have to respond the first time. Teach, reward, and reset if they don’t respond, rather than nagging.
👉 Tip: Stick to one-word commands and pair them with clear gestures. Dogs don’t understand full sentences (but they sure understand tone!).
For a list of key training commands, see Dogs Trust dog training essentials.
It’s all about consistency
Consistency is the golden rule of dog training. If one day “jumping on the sofa” is cute and the next it gets a stern “no,” your dog won’t know what’s expected. Inconsistent rules confuse your dog and delay training progress. Everyone in the household needs to be on the same page. If one person rewards begging and another punishes it, the dog is left unsure about what behaviour is actually right.
Set clear rules, use the same commands, and respond the same way each time. Dogs thrive on routine and clarity.
👉 Tip: Create a short list of “house rules” and post them somewhere visible for the whole family to follow.
Seeking help: you’re not alone
Even the most committed owner can run into training roadblocks. Maybe your dog is reactive on lead, ignores recall, or struggles with separation anxiety. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it just means you need guidance.
Here are a few places you can turn:
- Professional dog trainers – Look for certified trainers who use positive reinforcement techniques. In the UK, start with APDT trainers or check the UK Kennel Club’s list of accredited trainers.
- Group obedience classes – These are great for socialisation and learning in a distraction-filled environment. Many local training clubs or community centres run affordable sessions.
- Veterinarians – Your vet can rule out medical issues that might be affecting behaviour (e.g. a dog who “refuses” to sit might be in pain). Vets often have excellent local trainer recommendations.
- Books and online resources – Reputable UK-friendly authors include Victoria Stilwell and Dr Ian Dunbar.
- Dog training apps – Apps like Pupford, Dogo, or GoodPup offer step-by-step programmes, but be sure to use them alongside real-life practice.
👉 Tip: Don’t wait for behaviour issues to get worse. The earlier you ask for help, the faster you and your dog can make progress together.
Final thoughts: training you means training them
Your dog isn’t trying to be difficult. They’re trying to navigate a world where humans speak in complex words, give mixed signals, and change the rules without warning. When you shift your mindset from “How do I fix this dog?” to “How can I better lead and communicate with my dog?”, everything changes.
Be patient. Be kind. Be consistent. And never stop learning. You and your dog are a team, and the stronger you grow together, the more joyful your life will be—on and off the lead.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about getting your dog to obey. It’s about building a bond where they want to.
Need more guidance?
- Dogs Trust – Training and behaviour advice
- APDT UK – Find a positive trainer near you
- RSPCA – Dog behaviour and training advice
- PDSA – Dog training tips
- Books: The Other End of the Leash by Patricia McConnell, It’s Me or the Dog by Victoria Stilwell
- YouTube: Positive training channels like Kikopup (Emily Larlham)
Your dog is ready. Are you? 🐾