Hi there! My name’s Jago, and I’m a Rhodesian Ridgeback with a passion for chest scratches, liver pate treats, and helping my fellow dogs make smart life choices. One of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, after whether or not to eat that sock, is choosing the right human. Trust me, it’s not just about who has the tastiest treats (though that does help). Picking the right person to be your forever human can mean the difference between a life of joyful tail wags or one spent staring longingly at squirrels from behind a fence.
Let me walk you through it. Paw in paw, okay?
1. Look for consistency, not just charm
Humans can be very convincing. One moment they’re down on the ground playing fetch with you in the adoption center, the next they’re gone for nine hours a day without even a chewy bone left behind. The key is to observe their behaviour over time. Do they visit regularly before adopting? Do they ask about your routines, needs, quirks? The right human isn’t just smitten with your cute face—they’re ready to commit to your care.
Consistency is king. You want someone who will walk you every day, feed you at the same time, and not disappear when the novelty wears off. A routine gives us dogs comfort. A predictable human is a good human.
2. Pay attention to energy levels
Ever seen a border collie living with a couch potato? It’s not pretty. You’ve got to be honest with yourself: are you a high-energy, frisbee-chasing machine, or more of a nap-in-the-sun type? Find a human whose energy matches yours.
Active dogs need humans who hike, run, and have lots of time to play. If you’re more laid-back, a retired person or a work-from-home snuggler might be perfect. Mismatched energy leads to boredom, and boredom leads to chewing the leg off the coffee table. Nobody wants that.
3. Check for emotional stability
This one’s tough, but it matters. Dogs are emotional sponges, we absorb our humans’ moods. If they’re constantly anxious, angry, or unpredictable, it affects us. We need someone who can provide a calm, safe environment. Look for a human who speaks kindly, handles stress without shouting, and shows patience. Bonus points if they understand that accidents happen and don’t freak out if you have a potty mishap.
A good human doesn’t take their bad day out on you. They know that love and trust are built over time.
4. Sniff out their lifestyle
A dog’s gotta do their homework. Does your potential human work 12-hour shifts? Travel constantly? Live in a shoebox apartment with no outdoor space? None of those things are necessarily dealbreakers—but they matter depending on your needs.
If you’re a big dog like me, space is important. If you have separation anxiety, long absences are hard. Ask yourself: Will their lifestyle allow them to meet your mental and physical needs? If they can’t give you daily walks, toys, training, and companionship, you’ll end up lonely, or worse, back in the shelter.
5. Test their commitment
Before you sign your unofficial loyalty contract (you know, the one written in drool), put them through the test. See how they handle a little mess. Do they clean up your accidents without losing their minds? Will they still pet you after you roll in something questionable (my sister!!)? Are they still smiling when you track mud across the carpet?
Loyal humans stick around through the muddy, slobbery, flea-bitten days. If they pass the gross-out test with love and patience, you’ve found a keeper.
6. Consider their experience
First-time dog owners can be amazing—but be aware of the learning curve. If you’re a dog with strong opinions or has special needs, an experienced human might be better equipped. If they’re new to the whole “dog thing,” they should be eager to learn, willing to take training classes, and open to advice. Enthusiasm is great, but knowledge and preparation are even better.
You want someone who understands that you’re not a toy, not a hobby, and not just a cute Instagram prop. You’re family!!
7. Trust your nose
At the end of the day, we dogs have instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, if they smell wrong, speak harshly, or ignore your signals: walk away. Literally. Turn around and wait for the next human. The right person will meet your gaze, respect your space, and let you come to them in your own time.
Love doesn’t have to be instant, but respect should be.
Final tail wags
Finding the right human isn’t about luck, it’s about looking, listening, and knowing your worth. You’re not just a pet. You’re a companion, a protector, a confidante, and a source of unconditional love. You deserve someone who sees that and chooses you not just because you’re cute, but because they’re ready to walk beside you, through every muddy puddle and sunny patch ahead.
Choose wisely, fellow pup. Your perfect person is out there, and when you find them, you’ll know.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a suspicious squirrel I need to interrogate. 🐾